Hello Friends, and welcome back. As always, thank you for reading and emailing me with your thoughts!
I have not written for FO Perspective on perhaps the most consistent of topics I hear about, a topic that presents itself in families of all wealth scales. The concern about entitlement is two-fold from my perspective:
- Entitled kids seem to have a hard time living the family values as well as finding their own moral code, making parents feel unsuccessful in the upbringing, and
- Entitled kids are disinterested in long-term goals and finding the grit to achieve those goals, making it hard for parents to consider their childrens’ lives fulfilling.
A lack of fulfillment and a lack of success is quite the double whammy! And this is before considering the most-cited issue of entitlement amongst professionals which is that entitlement leads to weaker stewardship principles and then of course the financial resources deplete.
Entitlement is imbalance of privileges and responsibilities
Entitlement is often defined as an expectation of receipt of privileges without corresponding effort. This aligns with how I use the word. However, it was not until I was reading the Gift of Lift by David York that I realized that a lack of effort is not the entirety of the problem. York notes that entitlement exists when ones privileges and rights vastly exceed their duties and responsibilities.
I really like that. I picture the Scales of Justice and privileged stewards like us having a whole lot of weights piled into the rights and privileges side of the scale. Rightfully so, we carry more duties and responsibilities accordingly to maintain balance in our lives.
5G “technology” for overcoming entitlement
I was inspired to write this month’s blog and sharpen my perspective on entitlement as I have been working on a course with a fellow wealth steward.* I sent him my “5Gs for overcoming entitlement” which inspired the project. The 5Gs concept came to me as I was developing a list of tools for overcoming an entitlement mindset. The most important “G” is gratitude, as well as referencing two of the most important tools in strong family cultures which are growth and grit.**
But 3G technology is so last decade. So, with three “Gs” in hand and the world now heavily dependent on 5G technology, I got to brainstorming about other “Gs” that help families overcome entitlement mindsets.
Goodness is an important aspect for overcoming entitlement; the idea being that finding good, virtuous aspects of life and aligning your values with the good will certainly push entitlement out of your family culture.
I have two more great “Gs” and I’ll save the last “G” until 6G technology comes out. For now, the fifth “G” is: gone.
Gone as a tool for overcoming entitlement mindset is the only G that came to be a part of my advice for families from my own conversations. Most of my advice comes from the wisdom of the family wealth industry; I stand on the shoulders of mighty giants. But this nugget I’ll take credit for noticing as a recurring trend in the wealth stewards’ stories. This is why, dear Reader, I’m always so thankful when you share your stories!
Going, Going, Gone
Gone became a recurring theme amongst gritty rising generation wealth stewards when we got to storytelling about their work ethic. In their own minds, what made them work hard when many wealth stewards were less compelled. Surprisingly, many stewards, even from families where it would be remarkably hard to lose the money, told me stories about their being worried that the money could truly be gone in their lifetimes, so they had better develop skills to keep themselves afloat should the disastrous come to happen.
What a remarkable mindset to instil in your kids – that at any time all the good in our lives could be taken from us.
Family Wealth = Resources (Human Capital + Relational Capital)
All Issues of the FO Perspective relate the thought of the month to the wealth equation. Here, the relationship should be obvious. Family wealth, which over time is family legacy, is equal to the product of your resources multiplied by the sum of the quality of your people and their relationships. Your resources, principally your time and money, should be regularly assessed for how well they are being invested in your family.
In the case of entitlement, the key question is how can your resources be deployed to improve your family culture and better balance your family members’ rights and privileges on the one hand with their duties and responsibilities on the other.
I’m reminded of my favourite quote from Spider-Man: with great power comes great responsibility. With great wealth comes great responsibility as well.